Nursing… the struggle is real

Caution there are tasteful photos of nursing.. so if you don’t want to see them, just don’t read this post. To those who don’t mind, enjoy a small glimpse into my nursing journey.

Just a few hours old, Izzy and I are finally settled in our room and it’s time to give this breast feeding thing a try. The nurse gives me a couple pointers and I give it a try, Izzy latches! She didn’t stay on for long but I was beaming that she was sucking even if it was for a only a 30 seconds. The first 24 hours I felt frustrated more than once so I just expressed milk into a spoon and dripped it into Izzy’s mouth.

Izzy, 2 weeks old, I wake up 45 minutes after falling asleep because every noise she makes alerts me. One eye half open I pick up my crying baby and take her to the bathroom where her changing station is set up and a little night light beams so I can see what I’m doing. I shut the bathroom door slowly to not wake my husband, who has to get up for work in a couple hours. I talk softly to her as she whimpers while rooting for my breast. Once back in her pjs and swaddled I sit on the edge of the tub and prop the poppy under her. I pull out my sore and cracked nipple and wince as she latches poorly to my breast. Tears stream down my face, I feel so alone and I just hope she’ll be fast asleep soon.

A little over a month old. My husband, Izzy and I venture out for lunch with my parents . It’s a nice mexican restaurant so of course everyone starts looking at drinks, except me. I’m too busy trying to get comfortable at the table while baby wearing because my newborn HATES her infant seat. Then I decide to take her out and lay her in my arms so I can nurse her under a cover. I started sweating as I tried to juggled helping her latch (she was a terrible latcher) and keeping my breast covered. I start stripping Isabella because she’s feeling hot or maybe that’s just me. After 1 hour.. well more like 15 minutes, but it felt like forever and I swore the whole restaurant was looking at me, she latched. Relief, oh wait, now time to juggle holding an infant who is nursing while feeding myself.

3 Months old, WHY DOES THIS STILL HURT 80% of the time?

4 Months old, okay I’m finally getting the hang of this. Izzy is hungry or needs a nap, put her in the Tula and give her the boob. What’s a Tula? It’s a baby carrier and I highly recommend you get one, they even have an infant insert. HELLO MULTITASKING!

4 1/2 Months, I think I have this down and my supply drops! My freezer stash is slowly dwindling as I frantically drink special teas, shovel spinach in my mouth and reach out to moms in my breast feeing group.

6 Months old why is she still eating every 2 hours? Yes you read that right! Insert that emoticon thats laughing and crying. Oh yeah and she thinks it’s funny to bite…with teeth.

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10 Months old, Izzy looks at me and smiles while nursing. She grabs for my finger and holds me closely and tight. What an amazing journey these 10 months have been. I’m glad I keep pushing on through all the struggles of pain, milk supply drops and a lazy latcher. As challenging as it has been it has also been one of the most beautiful experiences I could share with my child.

What was your biggest struggle with nursing? If you didn’t nurse what was your biggest struggle with formula?

XO Eryka

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Jessica says:

    Loved this post!!! Great view into the ups and downs of nursing

    1. Thanks Jess! ❤️ it was straight from the heart for sure

  2. Tanya Loback says:

    Biting! My child is eight months old. I tell her no bite and she just cries and when I relatch her she bites again. Some many people tell me it’s time to wean her but I just have to think positive and really push forward

    1. Yes! You are doing everything right. Izzy laughed when I yelled ouch or told her “no” She finally stopped after a month of it on and off. She’s 10 months old now. Keep going mama!

  3. Lisa says:

    This was a really beautiful post. I struggled so long with breastfeeding and ended up hospitalised with postnatal depression that was largely linked to the issues I had with feeding. And oh, I wish I could have fed more and for longer with both of mine. Usually any breastfeeding talk is so triggering for those dark days for me, but you wrote this so beautifully and SO HONESTLY that it just made me smile with fondness. So really, I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. x

    1. You brought tears to my eyes, I’m so glad to have touched you in a positive way.

  4. Only the strong survives

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